Dear Royals, Thinking of You On This Special Occasion!

As Duchess Kate begins to give birth, it's appropriate to consider the role of parasitic royalty in humanity's future.

Happily, some of the first people to overthrow royal home rule came up with a nifty gadget preparing for that future. Here's a matched set perfect for today's blessed event.

A Few Modest Suggestions for a Very Proper Jubilee Celebration

Happy jubilee Queen Elizabeth! Thinking of you and your cousins! What could one possibly give one of the world's richest welfare parasites other than a few heartwarming tales?

"Arriving at the foot of the guillotine, Louis XVI looked for a moment at the instruments of his execution and asked Sanson why the drums had stopped beating. He came forward to speak, but there were shouts to the executioners to get on with their work. As he was strapped down, he exclaimed "My people, I die innocent!" Then, turning towards his executioners, Louis XVI declared "Gentlemen, I am innocent of everything of which I am accused. I hope that my blood may cement the good fortune of the French." The blade fell. It was 10:22 am. One of the assistants of Sanson showed the head of Louis XVI to the people, whereupon a huge cry of "Vive la Nation! Vive la République!" arose and an artillery salute rang out which reached the ears of the imprisoned Royal family." —eyewitness Charles Henri Sanson, 1794

"Nicholas, facing his family, turned and said "What?"[1] Yurovsky quickly repeated the order and the weapons were raised. The Empress and Grand Duchess Olga, according to a guard's reminiscence, had tried to cross themselves, but failed amid the shooting. Yurovsky reportedly raised his gun at Nicholas and fired; Nicholas fell dead instantly. The other executioners then began shooting until all the intended victims had fallen. Several more shots were fired and the doors opened to scatter the smoke.[1] There were some survivors, so P.Z. Yermakov stabbed them with bayonets because the shouts could be heard outside.[1] The last to die were Anastasia, Tatiana, Olga, and Maria, who were carrying several pounds (over 1.3 kilograms) of diamonds within their clothing, thus protecting them to an extent.[8] However, they were speared with bayonets as well. Olga sustained a gunshot wound to the head. Anastasia and Maria were said to have crouched up against a wall covering their heads in terror until Maria was shot down, and Anastasia was finished off with the bayonets. Yurovsky himself killed Tatiana and Alexei. Tatiana died from a single bullet through the back of her head.[9] Alexei received two bullets to the head, right behind the ear.[10] Anna Demidova, Alexandra's maid, survived the initial onslaught but was quickly stabbed to death against the back wall while trying to defend herself with a small pillow she had carried that was filled with precious gems and jewels." — description based on eyewitness accounts, Yekaterinberg, Russia, 1918

"The king adjoins, 'I go from a corruptible to an incorruptible crown; where no disturbance can be, no disturbance in the world.'The bishop: 'You are exchanged from a temporal to an eternal crown, - a good exchange.' Then the king asked the executioner, 'Is my hair well?' And taking off his cloak and George [the jeweled pendant of the Order of the Garter, bearing the figure of St. George], he delivered his George to the bishop. . . Then putting off his doublet and being in his waistcoat, he put on his cloak again, and looking upon the block, said to the executioner, 'You must set it fast.' The executioner: 'It is fast, sir.'...Then having said a few words to himself, as he stood, with hands and eyes lift up, immediately stooping down he laid his neck upon the block; and the executioner, again putting his hair under his cap, his Majesty, thinking he had been going to strike, bade him, 'Stay for the sign.' Executioner: 'Yes, I will, and it please your Majesty.' After a very short pause, his Majesty stretching forth his hands, the, executioner at one blow severed his head from his body; which, being held up and showed to the people, was with his body put into a coffin covered with black velvet and carried into his lodging." — eyewitness report of the execution of King Charles 1, 1649

Still, perhaps this tale of compassion offers hope. Chin up!

"Next, testimony came from 27 teenagers and young adults who were former school children who testified to being the only survivors of the 180 children who were arrested and died in April 1979 after they threw rocks at Bokassa's passing Rolls-Royce during the students protest over wearing the costly school uniforms which they were forced to purchase from a factory owned by one of his wives. Several of them testified that on their first night in jail, Bokassa visited the prison and screamed at the children for their insolence. He was said to have ordered the prison guards to club the children to death, and Bokassa indeed participated, smashing the skulls of at least five children with his ebony walking stick....One of the most lurid allegations against Bokassa was the charge of cannibalism, which was technically superfluous. In the Central African Republic, statutes forbidding cannibalism classified any crime of eating human remains as a misdemeanour...Former president Dacko was called to the witness stand to testify that he had seen photographs of butchered bodies hanging in the dark cold-storage rooms of Bokassa's palace immediately after the 1979 coup. When the defence put up a reasonable doubt during the cross-examination of Dacko that he could not be positively sure if the photographs he had seen of dead bodies were used for consumption, Bokassa's former security chief of the palace was called to testify that he had cooked human flesh stored in the walk-in freezers and served it to Bokassa on an occasional basis. The prosecution did not examine the rumours that Bokassa had served the flesh of his victims to French President Giscard d'Estaing and other visiting dignitaries....On 12 June 1987, Bokassa was found guilty of all but the cannibalism charges. The court acknowledged that many individual allegations of murder had been levelled at Bokassa but found that the evidence was unimpeachable in only about 20 cases. Bokassa was said to have wept silently as Judge Franck sentenced him to death....On 29 February 1988, President Kolingba demonstrated his opposition to capital punishment by voiding the death penalty against Bokassa and commuted his sentence to life in prison in solitary confinement. With the return of democracy to the Central African Republic in 1993, Kolingba declared a general amnesty for all prisoners as one of his final acts as President, and Bokassa was released on 1 August 1993." — the fate of Jean Bedel Bokassa, the late self-crowned monarch of the former "Central African Empire

Priorities!

On May Day in Union Square I saw a contingent of people carrying signs with the old, albeit perfectly legitimate, chestnut of a slogan, "Money for Education, Not for War." I had to look twice though, cause out of the corner of my eye with my less than stellar vision at first I thought the signs said "Money for Revolution, not for War."

I was disappointed when I got a closer look. But hey, you never know!

Spring Is Coming: May Day 2012

These beautiful images are from Occupy May 1st General Strike! Los Angeles, part of the nationwide campaign from the Occupy movement to make a big showing this upcoming May Day. Across the country in both big cities and small neighborhoods, local assemblies are laying plans for actions to show the world that the Occupy movement is not gone or defeated, despite the successful repression of nearly all the physical "Occupy" encampments. Occupy Wall Street in New York has voted to stand in solidarity with the call for a day without the 99%, a general strike and more. "No work, no chores, no banking, no shopping, no school."


To be sure the General Strike on May Day is being organized by Occupy's more leftwing elements, but it rests on a solid tradition of activism by working people. Indeed it's the kind of action that anyone who is part of the 99% can participate in. From the May 1st website:

"How can I participate?

If you are part of unionized labor, and your contract is up for negotiation, you can officially strike on May 1st. If you are not – call in sick. Take a holiday. Don’t show up to school. March with us, or join in one of the many events that will be taking place on May 1st, either in the day or in the evening. Block parties, rallies, protests, marches, family BBQ’s – this is a day when we take a stand against the way the system has enslaved us and burdened us with unmanageable debt, incredibly long working weeks, unfeasibly expensive healthcare — by taking a day for ourselves, being human again, spending time with our families and friends. Our bosses dictate everything to us — but not our holiday. The holiday of the working class, the 99%."


I love the Queer Liberation poster for May Day that uses a classic image of the late Divine, the iconic heroine of 1970s underground alternative culture.

My local Brooklyn Occupy assembly is still discussing its plans for the day. I'm really excited about the possibilities.

Off With Their Heads!

This weekend there will be a wedding amongst a bunch of parasitic welfare cheats in England. Perhaps the English people should choose this moment to follow the great example of the French revolutionaries of two hundred plus years ago and divorce these parasites of their wealth, status, excessive leisure time, and perhaps their heads. Better late than never, eh?

I jest. A little. Honestly like everyone else who watched it and had a heart I cried during the funeral of Lady Diana years back, really I did. She seemed like a nice lady....she was devoted to charitable works and she didn't seem the type to be sending peasants to languish in the dungeon. But really, what do these royals actually do for a living? Who hired them? We certainly know who pays them; who pays for their palaces and their guards and their thrones and their crowns. We American taxpayers think we have a problem with entitlements? Hah!

Perhaps it made sense, once upon a time, to have powerful leaders who lead their nations against barbarian invaders and inspired their bands of brothers on the field of battle. Though perhaps not...perhaps that's where we went wrong in the first place. In any case, the English throne has outlasted its challengers since the 17th-century republicans were defeated. The waves of republicanism (the good kind, thank you) that swept Europe in the 18th, 19th and 20th centuries may have hobbled the Windsor family — or the Saxe-Coburg Gothas if you with nostalgia for the real Germanic source of royal English blood prefer — with elections and parliaments and prime ministers, but it hasn't done what really should have been done long ago, which is sent them packing.

Star-struck Americans accustomed to celebrity worship might confuse the royals with important people like movie actors, singers or reality-television stars, but at least those people earn their keep. Of course I'm against capital punishment even for the royals so perhaps the English people needn't invest in new guillotine technology. But the citizens Windsor should be tossed out of their palaces and set to wander with the heirs to the Shah of Iran, the German Kaisers, the Austro-Hungarian royalty, the Tsars of Russia and Bulgaria, the Kings of France, the Emperors of China and Annam, and Africa's Jean Bedel Bokassa and Haile Selassie. I hear the French Riviera is lovely this time of year. I'm sure all the money being spent on the Royal Wedding could be put to better uses, perhaps subsidizing Marmite exports.

Jump You Fuckers

I grabbed this graphic from Lenin's Tomb, a UK socialist blog that is excellent reading. I'm uncomfortable with this so-called bailout. George Bush yells "fire!" and suddenly it's the Democrats who come to his rescue? Something is fishy. I'm glad that Obama is openly saying that trickle-down economics is crap; that former President Clinton says that this is the culmination of a road to ruin laid down by Reagan. But will patching a failing system do anything at all? The stock market is swinging in wild multi-hundred point swings up and down. This can't be good.

The next president will basically be inheriting a shitpile. If you ask me that's as the republicans intend it, to guarantee them a return four years later. On the other hand, I need my job and my ira.